well, todays another day that ended up in me doing nothing. i've been in pain all day. not as sever as yesterday but its still there. mostly in my knee caps now but still in the upper part also. i've been reading alot to pass the time and i ate alittle bit today. i haven't been very hungry lately. i took a painkiller from sean thinking it would help but it didnt. mom said that its bc its the wrong type or something. idk whatever. hmm fri is nyc. cant wait. although affording it is gonna be hard, specially with this thing in hamilton on the 19th...grrr.

thats about it. oth is on in an hr. cant wait. and than ill prob sleep early. i gotta find out how to get my paycheck at work tomorrow...gonna be hard..

-nicole  

hey. so last time i wrote in this i wasnt even 21 yet. now i've been 21 for a while and nothings changed really. expect i buy beer for my friends:D lol. i dont even think i get drunk more often. i still visit b&n. i got a job at aaa in pburg so now ill be able to maybe, see jon more. idk. after last night at rab's house, i think i'm done with guys. i'm just gonna take a break from them. and if they really do care to know me, they will make the effort. but i'm not doing shit for them bc they arent worth it. they never are. they just want to add another one too their numbers of girls they've had. well, i wont be one of them. i just cant. i dont get why guys can be so emotionless, yet girls have sooo much emotion in them. who planned that??? my legs have been hurting me a lot lately. the front top part of my legs mostly and today it started in the back too. i cant even walk down the stairs, i think i'm gonna fall bc they arent doing anything. idk. since dad found out hes got what gram and uncle mark has (Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia) and i know monica and i will get it. i cant afford the MRI tho to confirm it tho. i wish my stupid insurance didnt refuse to give it to me the first time when i went to the docs a while ago. than maybe we would have known and that was when i was under my parents insurance. now i've got freakin cobra and they suck. ughhh. mom says i should try and just call them and find out whats going on. i owe so much money to everyone and i dont start work till the 19th. plus i have to drive to hamilton nj for this freakin orientation bc of course i cant get a normal job where they give u an orientation at the place where your gonna work!! growl. ah well. fri amanda and i are going to nyc. to see Christopher Moore(kitty!). should be fun. i need to withdraw about a 100bucks. i wont spend more but you never know. i think ill do it all in cash so i dont go over. maybe ill put it in a visa gift card thingy. that might make it better although than if its lost, i think anyone could use it...grrrowl.idk. we'll see what i do. alright. i think thats it. i just wanted to do a update for the hell of it. not like anyone really reads this shit, but whatever

~nicole