Hi all. once again, in B&N. Good news! they are closing the b&n in whitehall and opening a new one in the Lehigh Valley Mall Cant wait. I wrote to them about the lack of a table in the whitehall location and they wrote back saying that they are opening a new one. I am currently writing back, with concerns I have for the new store(more plugs, tables etc) all things that i figured out while i would spend all my time here with chris. i wanna tell them to hire cute guys and to have the store open 24/7 or atleast later than it is, but i cant  seem to work it into the email just yet. although, once i turn 21, i wonder how often ill be visiting b&n? prob the same amount. lol. Although, since wegmans is open 24/7 I can always go there. They just dont allow you on myspace, but who needs myspace?? LOL.
Last night was an okay night. I had a good time but i'm just tooo invested. too involved. too devoted. and that will get me hurt. so i'm backing off. i'm  not gonna make so much of an effort, but i wont. no i cannnt. be hurt again. its so hard to say what i want to say face to face. i have sooo many thoughts running through my head when i'm with him, but than i dont say half of what i wanna say and it kills me. kills me that i'm such a chickenshit. cause i miss him sooo fuckin much. i lay in bed wishing he was with me, cuddling. i wish he was with me when i go places bc i miss his arms around me. i need him. soooo badly. but distance and everything is keeping us from not letting that happen. i dont even KNOW if he REALLY wants it. but i do. ooohh soo fuckin badly. i cried on my way home from his house last night. i only left his house when i did, bc i knew if i stayed, i was gonna start crying. and i couldnt have that. i stayed strong till i was in my car. than it just started to flood. and that just hurt. i felt like samantha in sex and the city, when she was trying for that job with that guy and she was gonna cry and she ran to the elevator bc the tears were welling up in her eyes. thats how i felt. as i layed there with him, i was gonna cry. out of sadness or happiness? i'm not too sure yet. maybe a mixture of both? i smoked so many cigs on my way home its not even funny. i felt so scared. scared of what if he doesnt really feel how i feel? amanda told me that i have to be careful, and i am. i'm guarding my heart like its fuckin fort knox. cause its breakable. as i found out. and although its mostly healed from the last time it was broken, it still is fragile. i need stickers to put on it. "fragile. do not drop". haha. will it help? no clue. but it might remind me not to throw it around like a ball. i cant play baseball with it.
hinder concert next month and i cant fuckign wait. nik and i were throwing around the idea of taking a limo since no one really wants to drive. hahha. a limo would be fucking awesome. but crazy. but still awesome. amanda and i need to get the buckcherry tickets too. soon. and i need to make sure to tell red roof inn i need those days off. lol. hopefully it wont be a big deal.

heyyy. well i'm getting ready for another day with amanda. it should be fun. lool. i wanna wear my boots, but idk what with yet. still obsessed with hinder. its still not my bday yet

It is now Monday 10/16/2006 at 12:43:07 PM
Event: My 21st Birthday
Scheduled For 10/19/2006  12:00:00 AM
2 days 11 hours 16 minutes 53 seconds or
0 weekends or
3 days or
59 hours (39 waking hours) or
3,556 minutes or
213,412 seconds

hahha. ok well. i just wanted to post another entry. making everyone aware that i am alive. and better than yesterday. hahah. tonks is coming with me when i go hang out with amanda, so i wont be online, but doesnt matter either way.

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on