December 2, 2005

• Crying

  I feel like crying. I dont really know why, but I just do. I wish i
  could figure out my life. I dont know How to pay for school next
  semester. I think I'll be paying back debts till im 80.:( grrowl. I
  hate when i feel like this. This wanting to cry, but just cant. i havent felt this way in a long time and its always a pain in the ass to get it out.
  But if i dont, it will stay with me for a while. Maybe I'll put a sad
  movie in soon. I dont know why this sad funk came over me, it just did
  suddenly...grrr  Maybe Ill try and get the crying out. but if i
  know it, it wont come out for a while. and when it does, it will be
  waterfalls. massive ones at that. :-/ I think i liked it how i felt
  before, wanting to physically hurt someone. That atleast will pass with
  some punches or something. this wont pass till i actually do
  cry. Its not that my life is massivly fucked up. Just the little things
  that is making me feel like this. and that i havent cried in a while. Since prob after Quebec. A month or so afterwards. Thats when i last had a good
  cry. And that was in the B&N parking lot, texting things to jackie,
  flipping out.Complaining about how things got fucked up.This feeling
  doesnt have much to do with Jon, like last time, i dont think.I think it has more to do
  with life in general and how my friendship with jackie is soo fucked up
  now grrr  I want to cry soooo fucking badly but it fucking wont come out!!!!!!! Going to bed now, maybe with any luck, i will cry tonight?

  Night

  • 12:52 am
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